146 This or That Questions for Couples (Fun, Romantic & Spicy)
This or that questions for couples are quick two-option picks, like "Morning cuddles or late-night talks?", that you both answer on the spot and then compare. Below are 146 of them, from everyday habits and food to romantic, spicy (PG-13) and future picks, plus how to play and how to score how often you and your partner match.
How to play this or that as a couple
This or that is the fastest question game there is. One of you reads two options, both of you pick one without overthinking, and you move on. It is like would you rather with the stakes removed, which is why it works so well as a warm-up or over text.
- Answer fast. Give yourselves three seconds. Gut answers are more honest and funnier.
- Score your matches. One point every time you pick the same side. Twenty questions makes a nice round.
- Stop on the surprises. When your partner picks the option you did not expect, ask why.
- Guess first for a harder round. Before answering, say what you think your partner will choose.
The 20 best this or that questions for couples
These are the picks that start the best side conversations. Each one has why it works and a follow-up if you want to dig in.
Morning cuddles or late-night talks?
Why it works: It tells you when your partner feels most connected to you.
Follow-up: What is the best late-night talk we have ever had?
Plan every detail or figure it out as we go?
Why it works: Planners and wingers clash on trips. Better to know now.
Follow-up: When has winging it worked out for us?
Words of affirmation or quality time?
Why it works: Two of the classic love languages head to head, in three seconds.
Follow-up: What is something I said that stuck with you?
Text all day or one long call at night?
Why it works: People rarely say how they like to stay in touch. This makes it easy.
Follow-up: What is your favorite kind of text from me?
Surprise party or quiet birthday dinner?
Why it works: Getting this wrong is a classic mistake. Now you won’t.
Follow-up: What was your best birthday ever?
Fall asleep tangled up or each on our own side?
Why it works: Funny, honest and it settles a nightly negotiation.
Follow-up: Have you been secretly moving away from me at night?
Big friend group or a few close friends?
Why it works: It shows how much social time your partner needs, and how much they don’t.
Follow-up: Who in your life feels like family?
Talk it out right away or cool off first?
Why it works: Knowing how your partner handles a disagreement is gold, and it is easier to ask when you are not having one.
Follow-up: How long do you usually need?
Spend on experiences or save for things?
Why it works: A low-pressure peek at how you each think about money.
Follow-up: What is one experience worth saving for?
Hand-written card or thoughtful gift?
Why it works: It tells you exactly what to put effort into next time.
Follow-up: What is the best card or gift you have ever kept?
Stay up late or wake up early together?
Why it works: Night owls and early birds have to find overlap. Start here.
Follow-up: What would we do with an extra hour together?
Cook at home or eat out on a weeknight?
Why it works: Small, practical and surprisingly revealing about routines.
Follow-up: What is your favorite thing I cook?
Holding hands or arm around the shoulder?
Why it works: Cute, quick and good to know for every walk you take together.
Follow-up: Since when?
Inside jokes or grand gestures?
Why it works: Some people show love with history, others with effort. Both are lovely.
Follow-up: What is our best inside joke?
Our first date or our most recent trip?
Why it works: Picking a favorite memory always comes with a story.
Follow-up: What do you remember most from it?
Clean as you go or one big clean on Sunday?
Why it works: A playful way into a topic that causes real friction for many couples.
Follow-up: Which chore would you happily give away?
Hear "I’m proud of you" or "I missed you"?
Why it works: It shows which kind of reassurance your partner wants most.
Follow-up: When did you last need to hear it?
Living room dance party or kitchen karaoke?
Why it works: Silly, joyful and it might start immediately.
Follow-up: What is the first song?
Settle down early or explore for a while first?
Why it works: A gentle way to talk about timing and life plans.
Follow-up: What do you still want to do before then?
Old photos of us or new adventures together?
Why it works: Nostalgic or forward-looking, and both answers are sweet.
Follow-up: What is the next adventure?
Everyday this or that questions for couples
Habits, homes and the little things you do every day. You may be surprised how many of these you have never actually asked.
- Shower in the morning or at night?
- Snooze button or up at the first alarm?
- Window open or closed when you sleep?
- Socks in bed or bare feet?
- Phone on silent or ringer on?
- Read the book or watch the movie?
- Podcasts or music in the car?
- Make the bed or leave it messy?
- Lights on or lights off while you fall asleep?
- Unpack right away or live out of the suitcase?
- Thermostat warm or cool?
- Paper planner or phone calendar?
- Groceries online or in the store?
- Hang up clothes or fold them?
- Weekend chores Saturday or Sunday?
- Too early to the airport or just in time?
- Rainy day indoors or sunny day outdoors?
- Netflix binge or one episode a night?
- Dishwasher or hand wash?
- Quiet house or background noise?
Food this or that questions for couples
Handy for deciding dinner, and a good test of whether you really know each other’s order.
- Pizza or tacos?
- Sweet or salty snacks?
- French toast or crepes?
- Spicy or mild?
- Chocolate or vanilla?
- Sushi or burgers?
- Curly fries or sweet potato fries?
- Coffee or tea?
- Brunch or late dinner?
- Takeout on the couch or dinner at the table?
- Cake or pie?
- Home-cooked pasta or restaurant steak?
- Ice cream cone or cup?
- Popcorn or candy at the movies?
- Try something new or order your usual?
- Breakfast for dinner or dinner for breakfast?
Date night this or that questions for couples
Play these to decide what to do tonight. If you need more inspiration, our date night ideas have plenty.
- Dinner out or cook together?
- Movie theater or movie at home?
- Card games or console games?
- Dress up or stay in sweats?
- Live music or comedy club?
- Rooftop bar or cozy pub?
- Picnic or fancy restaurant?
- Plan it or be surprised?
- Bowling or arcade?
- Museum or aquarium?
- Drive-in or outdoor cinema?
- Long walk or long dinner?
- Double date or just us?
- Dessert first or dessert to share?
- New spot or our favorite place?
- Early night or out until close?
Travel this or that questions for couples
Find out what kind of travelers you are before you book the next trip.
- Drive there or fly there?
- Window seat or aisle seat?
- Hotel or Airbnb?
- City break or national park?
- Packed itinerary or no plans?
- Carry-on only or check a bag?
- Tropical island or snowy cabin?
- Tent under the stars or treehouse cabin?
- Backpacking or resort?
- Same place every year or somewhere new every time?
- Street food or nice restaurants on vacation?
- Tourist sights or hidden local spots?
- Train across Europe or road trip across America?
- Lots of photos or phone away?
- Short weekend trips or one long vacation?
- Sunbathing or sightseeing?
Romantic this or that questions for couples
All about the two of you. Answer these and you will have a few ideas for your next anniversary.
- Love letter or love song?
- Roses or wildflowers?
- Kiss hello or kiss goodbye?
- Candlelit dinner or candlelit bath?
- Slow dance or spin around the room?
- Sweet nickname or my real name?
- Matching outfits or matching tattoos?
- Anniversary trip or anniversary party?
- Forehead kisses or nose kisses?
- Romantic comedy or love story drama?
- Love notes in the lunchbox or on the pillow?
- Cuddle on the couch or in a hammock?
- Breakfast date or midnight date?
- Couple photos or candid photos?
- Hug from behind or hug face to face?
- Remember every anniversary or celebrate random days?
Spicy this or that questions for couples
Flirty and PG-13, so you can play them on a date without blushing too hard. For longer flirty picks, try our spicy would you rather questions.
- Neck kisses or ear whispers?
- Flirty texts or flirty looks?
- Lingerie or my oversized shirt?
- Tease all day or surprise at night?
- Lights dim or candles lit?
- Slow kiss or a quick one that leaves you wanting more?
- Cologne or natural scent?
- Make the first move or wait for mine?
- Kiss in public or only in private?
- Back rub or foot rub?
- Bold compliment or shy compliment?
- Late-night drive or late-night swim?
- Silk sheets or flannel sheets?
- Wink or smirk?
- Couch cuddles or bed cuddles?
- Flirt in person or flirt over text?
This or that questions for couples about the future
Quick picks about big things. Your answers do not have to match; they just give you something real to talk about.
- City life or small town?
- Rent forever or buy someday?
- Big family or small family?
- Fur babies or real babies first?
- Fixer-upper or move-in ready?
- Retire somewhere warm or close to family?
- Big wedding or courthouse wedding?
- Same job for decades or reinvent every few years?
- Live near the water or near the woods?
- Holidays with family or holidays just us?
- Joint bank account or separate ones?
- Learn a language together or learn an instrument together?
- Travel now or travel when we retire?
- Garden or balcony?
- Old house with character or brand-new build?
Hard this or that questions for couples
Both options are good, which makes them painful. Perfect for the end of a round.
- Your best friend or your favorite food forever?
- A month without coffee or a month without your phone?
- Free travel forever or free food forever?
- Never be cold again or never be tired again?
- Perfect memory or perfect sense of direction?
- Fly or be invisible?
- Summer all year or autumn all year?
- Famous for a day or rich for a week?
- Ten years younger or ten years wiser?
- Personal chef or personal driver?
- One amazing trip or a hundred great dinners?
How to play this or that as a guessing game
Answering together is fun. Guessing is better. One of you picks secretly, and the other has to predict the answer before the reveal. Couples who think they know everything about each other usually miss a few, and those misses are the best part.
- Use one section per round. Twenty questions is enough to get a real score.
- Swap roles. Each of you guesses for a round, then compare scores.
- Play over text. Send one this or that in the morning and reveal your picks at dinner. Our conversation starters over text work the same way.
- Keep a running tally. Play again in a few months and see if your score changes.
There is a reason small question games feel good. In a well-known 1997 study, Arthur Aron and colleagues found that pairs who traded increasingly personal questions felt much closer afterward (Aron et al., 1997). Quick picks are a gentle way into that kind of conversation.
Unsaid has a This or that format. You both pick, your answers stay hidden until you have each replied, and the reveal shows whether you matched. Your partner answers straight from a text link, no download needed. Want a full scored quiz instead? Try our couples quiz or the how well do you know me questions.
Frequently asked questions
What are good this or that questions for couples?
The best ones are quick but say something about how you live or love: "Morning cuddles or late-night talks?", "Plan every detail or figure it out as we go?" or "Text all day or one long call at night?" Mix easy picks like food with a few about your relationship so the game stays fast and still means something.
What is the difference between this or that and would you rather?
This or that gives two short options and asks for a gut pick, like "Pizza or tacos?" Would you rather sets up a scenario with a trade-off, like choosing between two unusual situations. This or that is faster and works as a warm-up. Would you rather takes longer and leads to more explaining. Our would you rather questions for couples cover the second kind.
How do you play this or that over text?
Send a pair of options and ask your partner to reply with one word. Send your own answer only after theirs arrives, so neither of you changes your mind to match. A handful of questions a day keeps a chat going without taking much time, and the surprising picks give you something to talk about later.
How many this or that questions should you ask?
Around 15 to 20 makes a good round. It is long enough to keep score and short enough that you stay quick and honest. If one pick sparks a real conversation, let it, and come back to the list later. There is no prize for finishing all 146 in one go.
Are this or that questions good for new couples?
Yes. They are low pressure and easy to answer, so they suit early dating when deep questions might feel like too much. Start with the food, everyday and travel sets. As you get closer, move on to the romantic and future picks, which tell you whether you want similar things.
Is there an app to play this or that with your partner?
Unsaid has a This or that format for couples. Each of you picks an option, both answers stay hidden until you have each replied, and the reveal shows whether you matched. Your partner can answer from a text link without installing anything. Unsaid is on Google Play now, and the iPhone app is coming soon.
Keep reading
For longer trade-offs, try would you rather questions for couples. If you want a game with a little more risk, see truth or dare questions for couples or 21 questions for couples. Every game is collected in games for couples.
More in games for couples.