120 Questions to Ask Your Talking Stage (Fun, Deep & Flirty)
The talking stage is the stretch after you start chatting with someone and before you're officially dating, when you're both figuring out if this could go somewhere. The best questions to ask your talking stage mix easy, fun ones that keep the conversation going with a few honest ones about values, lifestyle and what each of you wants. Below are 120 of them, sorted so you know which to send early and which to save.
What is the talking stage?
The talking stage is the getting-to-know-you phase before a relationship. You're texting a lot, maybe going on a few dates, but you haven't said what you are. It can last a couple of weeks or a few months.
It's fun and a little confusing. Questions help with both: playful ones keep the spark going, and honest ones tell you whether you want the same things before either of you gets too attached. You don't need to ask them all at once. Start light, and go deeper as the conversation earns it. If you haven't met in person yet, our first date questions are a good place to start.
The 15 best questions to ask your talking stage
If you only send a handful, make it these. Each comes with why it works and a follow-up for when the reply is short.
What made you want to keep talking to me?
Why it works: It is a little bold, a little flirty, and you learn what they noticed first.
Follow-up: Okay, my turn to tell you mine?
What are you looking for right now?
Why it works: The single most useful question in the talking stage, asked casually enough not to scare anyone.
Follow-up: Has that changed from a year ago?
What's your idea of a perfect weekend?
Why it works: It reveals their lifestyle fast: homebody or out every night, planner or spontaneous.
Follow-up: Which part would you want company for?
Who are the most important people in your life?
Why it works: Friends and family say a lot about someone, and how they talk about them says even more.
Follow-up: How did you and your best friend meet?
What are you excited about lately?
Why it works: Asking about excitement instead of work gets you a real answer and good energy.
Follow-up: How did you get into that?
How do you like to communicate when you are dating someone?
Why it works: Texting styles cause a lot of talking-stage stress. This clears it up early.
Follow-up: Are you a texter or a caller?
What does a good relationship look like to you?
Why it works: It shows their values without asking about their ex.
Follow-up: Who do you know that has one?
What is something you are working on about yourself?
Why it works: Self-awareness is attractive, and this shows whether they have some.
Follow-up: What made you start?
What is a green flag you look for in someone?
Why it works: Their answer is a cheat sheet for what matters to them.
Follow-up: And what is an instant dealbreaker?
What did you want to be when you were little?
Why it works: Easy to answer, a little nostalgic and often adorable.
Follow-up: Any of that still in what you do now?
How do you usually spend a random Tuesday night?
Why it works: Daily rhythms matter more than big gestures if this becomes a relationship.
Follow-up: What would you change about it if you could?
What are you proud of from this past year?
Why it works: It invites them to share a win, and people remember who asked.
Follow-up: Who did you celebrate it with?
Where do you see yourself living in a few years?
Why it works: A low-pressure way to check if your futures could fit together.
Follow-up: What would make you move?
What makes you feel cared for?
Why it works: Knowing this early saves a lot of guessing later.
Follow-up: What's a small thing someone did that meant a lot?
What should I know about you that most people learn late?
Why it works: It lets them share something real on their own terms.
Follow-up: Why do people usually take a while to find that out?
Fun questions to ask your talking stage
Keep the chat moving with these. They're easy to answer over text and give you plenty to tease each other about.
- What's your most controversial snack opinion?
- What is the last thing you bought that you did not need?
- Which TV character are you most like?
- What is your go-to order at a fast food place?
- What would your perfect day off look like, hour by hour?
- What's a skill you're weirdly good at?
- If you had a free plane ticket, where would you go tomorrow?
- What is your comfort show?
- Which concert would you time travel back to?
- Are you a sunrise person or a sunset person?
- What is your most-used app besides messaging?
- What hobby would you pick up with unlimited time?
- What's a food you refuse to eat?
- If your life had a soundtrack, what is the opening song?
- What would you name a pet if you got one today?
- What is the weirdest job you have ever had?
- Mountains or beach for a long weekend?
- What's something you're irrationally competitive about?
- Which movie quote do you use way too often?
- What is the best meal you have had this year?
Questions to ask your talking stage about what they want
These help you understand their intentions without making it a big serious talk. Ask once you've been chatting for a while and the vibe is good. Their answers tell you if you're on the same page, or if one of you wants something casual and the other doesn't.
- Are you dating anyone else right now?
- What made you start dating again?
- How do you know when you want to be exclusive with someone?
- What does commitment mean to you?
- What is your longest relationship, and what did it teach you?
- How fast do you like things to move?
- What do you want your next relationship to feel like?
- What makes you lose interest in someone?
- How do you feel about labels?
- What are you not willing to compromise on in a partner?
- Do you see yourself settling down at some point?
- Do you want kids someday, or not really?
- What are you hoping happens between us?
- How do you handle it when you like someone more than they like you?
- What does "taking it slow" mean to you?
Questions to ask your talking stage to check compatibility
Chemistry gets you talking. Shared values and lifestyles keep you together. These questions help you spot what fits and what might clash. For a sense of what to look for in the answers, see our guides to green flags and red flags in a relationship.
- How close are you with your family?
- How do you handle disagreements?
- What do you do when you need to recharge?
- How important is your career to you right now?
- Are you more of a saver or a spender?
- Are you a dog person, a cat person or neither?
- What does your ideal social life look like?
- How much alone time do you need?
- What role does faith or spirituality play in your life?
- Are you a planner or more go-with-the-flow?
- What are your non-negotiables in a relationship?
- How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
- What does a healthy amount of texting look like to you?
- How do you show someone you like them?
- What do your friends say you are like in relationships?
- What is your relationship with social media like?
- How tidy are you, honestly?
- City life, suburbs or somewhere quiet?
- What do you value most in your friendships?
- How do you treat yourself after a hard week?
Deep questions to ask your talking stage
Save these until you've built some comfort, often after a date or two. They work better on a late-night call than in a quick text.
- What is something that changed the way you see the world?
- Who do you look up to, and why?
- What is the hardest lesson you have learned so far?
- What makes you feel at peace?
- What do you wish more people asked you about?
- What is something you used to believe about love that you do not anymore?
- What are you most afraid of in a relationship?
- What part of your childhood do you think shaped you most?
- What do you need from someone when you are going through a hard time?
- What kind of person do you want to be in five years?
- When do you feel most confident?
- What is a moment you were really proud of yourself?
- What is something you are still figuring out?
- How do you want people to feel around you?
- What does home feel like to you?
Flirty questions to ask your talking stage
A little playful, never crude. Send one when the conversation is already going well. If you're not sure where you stand yet, our questions to ask your crush are a gentler version.
- What did you think when you first saw my profile or met me?
- What is something about me you would not have guessed?
- What would our perfect first, or next, date be?
- Have you told your friends about me yet?
- What is the most charming thing someone can do on a date?
- What is your favorite thing we have talked about so far?
- Do you get nervous before seeing me?
- What song reminds you of our conversations?
- What is your best pickup line? Try it on me.
- What's your love language, and how would I know?
- Would you rather I call or text tonight?
- What is one thing you want to do together soon?
- What made you smile when you saw my message today?
- Be honest: did you check my profile more than once?
- What is the most romantic thing you have ever done for someone?
Questions to ask someone you’re talking to over text
Short, easy and good for keeping a chat alive between dates.
- What was the best part of your day?
- What are you having for dinner?
- What are you listening to right now?
- Any fun plans this weekend?
- What is the last photo you took?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how was today?
- What is something small that made you happy this week?
- Coffee, tea or energy drink person?
- What is the last thing you laughed at?
- Sleepy or wide awake right now?
- What is something you are looking forward to?
- Recommend me one song.
- What is the most random thing in your camera roll?
- Did anything annoying happen today? Vent to me.
- What show should I start next?
- What time do you usually fall asleep?
- Can you send me a photo of your view right now?
- What did you dream about last night?
- What is the best thing you ate today?
- Where would you be right now if you could teleport?
How to ask your talking stage questions without it feeling like an interview
The goal is to get to know them, not to run a background check. A few habits keep it natural:
- Match their energy. If replies are short and quick, stick to fun questions. Save the deep ones for when they start writing paragraphs back.
- Share your own answer. A question followed by your answer feels like an exchange, not a quiz.
- Ask about intentions casually. "What are you looking for right now?" lands better mid-conversation than as a sudden serious text.
- Pay attention to how they answer. Curiosity, kindness and consistency tell you more than any single answer.
- Don't rush the big ones. Questions about kids or moving can wait until you've met a few times.
You can also make it a game. Answer a question about yourself and see if they can guess what you said. It's flirty, low-pressure and shows who's been paying attention. Once things get serious, our questions for couples pick up where this list leaves off, and our guide on when to say I love you helps with the next big step.
Frequently asked questions
How long does the talking stage usually last?
There is no set rule. For many people it lasts a few weeks to a couple of months. If it drags on much longer and you want more, it is fair to ask where things are going. "What are you looking for right now?" is a gentle way to open that conversation.
How do you ask someone what you are without making it awkward?
Keep it light and honest. Try "I really like talking to you. Where are you at with this?" Say it when things are going well, not after a misunderstanding. Their answer, and how comfortable they are giving it, tells you a lot about whether you want the same thing.
What should you not ask in the talking stage?
Skip questions that feel like a test or an interrogation, like detailed questions about exes, how much they earn, or why their last relationship ended, at least early on. Hold off on heavy topics until you have met a few times and the trust is there.
How do you keep a conversation going with your talking stage?
Ask open questions, react to what they say, and share your own stories. Mix light questions like "What is your comfort show?" with the occasional deeper one. If the chat fizzles, sending a fun question is an easy, low-pressure way to restart it.
Is the talking stage the same as dating?
Not quite. The talking stage comes before you call it dating. You might go on dates, but you have not agreed to be exclusive or given it a label. Some people move from talking to dating within weeks. Others stay in the talking stage longer while they figure out what they want.
How many questions should you ask someone you are talking to?
Fewer than you think. One or two good questions with real follow-ups make for a better conversation than a rapid-fire list. Let their answers lead you to the next question instead of reading off a script. Over text, one question a day is plenty, and it gives you both something to look forward to.
Keep reading
Going on a date soon? Read what to talk about on a first date and our first date questions. Still at the crush stage? Try questions to ask your crush. More in dating.
More in dating and new relationships.